Going Green?

Before I hit the ripe old age of THIRTY, (oh I hate the way that sounds), I am determined to get a few irresponsible urges out of my system. I have been sexually active for well over a decade and a regular drinker for almost as long. The only vice in which I have not engaged was drugs (alcohol doesn't count). Drugs have never really appealed to me. I was a child of the "Just Say No" eighties and the "New Jack City" nineties. Lord knows Chris Rock's "Pooky" portrayal scared the hell out of me; and not even Halle Berry was all that cute when she played a crackhead in "Jungle Fever." Besides, my parents never smoked (around me), so I wasn't directly exposed to or influenced to do drugs. I got completely turned off from smoking when my curiosity got the best of me at ten years old and I picked up a lit cigarette abandoned by my aunt. I held that cancer stick in between my index and middle fingers with the coolness of a sexy old starlet, placed it in my lips and blew OUT. Well, obviously that was ineffective, so I tried inhaling instead. I took a deep pull, tasted that acrid flavor and my throat felt like it was being attacked with acid. I coughed- not so vehemently- because I was afraid my aunt would hear from the next room; so, basically I silently gagged on the smoke. Yuck! I probably had the same reaction the first time I snuck a taste of my dad's Jamaican rum, but I quickly discovered the wonders of sweet mixers and cordials; therefore, I happily re-engaged in booze. I am proud to say that I have graduated- and can now throughly enjoy the taste of most alcohol- undiluted.

Studies show that the body starts to break down a bit after thirty, so I really want to take full advantage of this last year of physical abuse. After my thirtieth I will exercise like a maniac, drink "good" alcohol- wine, and limit my sexual partner count to just one man- my husband... because i will be married, right? Okay- well the sex isn't that big of a deal. But, until then I must admit that I still want to try marijuana. OMG- I know I am totally too old to just start experimenting with drugs. And weed is a "Gateway" drug. If I start now I'll be a forty year old heroin addict and a fifty year old crackhead. But, I just want to try it. I probably won't like it [weed], but I must satisfy my curiosity. When I was fourteen, my ex-boyfriend used to smoke and I was awfully turned on by his half-mast, red eyes and stinky clothes. He offered me a pull once, but I just put it up to my lips and blew OUT because I caught a sudden flashback of my burning throat. Instead of my dude instructing me on the correct way to inhale, he snatched the joint out of my hand and chastised me for "wasting" the stuff. He convinced me that I would catch a contact high from breathing in his smoke, but all I caught was a bad case of funky hair.

A few of my friends in high school smoked weed and I tried in earnest to catch that elusive contact high- but with no success. Sometimes I thought that maybe I did get "high" from the residual smoke, and that it was nothing to brag about. Eventually, my desire for the green waned and I went on about my business of drinking. I miraculously survived four years of college weed free, and even managed to avoid it (among other drugs) in the television industry. For some reason, my desire for the ganja has resurfaced. Perhaps because I'm a stifled creative? I've noticed that many creative types occasionally get high to get their juices flowing. Who knows what great, innovative body of work I could potentially produce if I succumb to some good green stuff?

Others have told me that getting high is just like getting drunk minus the extreme violent emotions and awful hangover. In that case, I NEED to get high. I am far too old to be cursing people out, drunk dialing my man and shamelessly flirting with strangers. Instead of arguing with bartenders about why there's less than a three count of vodka in my drink, I could be having deep, cosmic discussions with like minds under the influence of that magical plant- heaaavvvy.

The only downside I foresee to smoking weed would probably be the "munchies;" but that seems comparable to my existing post-drinking, greasy Mickey D's cravings. No love lost there. Oh yeah- and that whole "gateway" drug thing has me a little shook; but honestly, most "Herbalists" I know stick to the green only. I don't know any (Black) weed heads who also moonlight as Cokeheads and Her-on addicts. Hell, I definitely won't eff around with needles. I'm also not very fond about the idea of snorting stuff up my nose. Ugh- my allergies would be out of control.

I have not yet settled on a final decision. Maybe there's been a reason why I never gravitated towards weed in the first place. Could I be immune to its effects? The contact high may indeed be very effective on some, but just not me. My body is probably enduring enough distress trying to ward off severe alcohol wreckage to my liver. Don't even get me started with the drama and stress involved in casual sex. Who needs all of those damn STD tests, pregnancy scares and stupid ass men? Do I really want to deal with probable lung and brain damage as well? Whatever I decide I need to hurry up and do it within the next year because I am looking forward to leading a long, healthy, vice-free life at thirty. Wait- thirty is the new twenty, right? Think I can get away with another ten years of foolishness?