Fat Girl Thoughts

It's only Wednesday- and I have already failed at yet another attempt to lose ten pounds. Every Monday, I embark on a new journey to rid myself of my protruding gut (which I'm sure exists because my lower intestine is out of place), ever-expanding hips and flabby thighs. This week's plan was to eat only fruits and vegetables; satisfy my sweet tooth with Diet Coke; and, not to eat past 7:00PM. I was doomed from the start because I went out and had a couple of drinks Sunday evening, which subsequently led to that post-alcohol feeling Monday morning where I needed just a little something greasy/starchy to soak up the remaining liquor in my stomach. I stopped by the Whole Foods Market on my way to work and picked up two slices of bacon, egg and cheese breakfast pizza (strike one). I convinced myself that the pizza wasn't all bad since it was made from the most wholesome and fresh ingredients. Besides breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I had even opted for the stairs over the escalator in the train station for good measure- so I was covered.

I was still a little full by the time lunch rolled around, so I used my hour to do a little shopping. When I arrived back at the office I spotted a co-worker with a Whole Foods container. Immediately the site of the small, brown box conjured up images of the steamy hot food bar and mmm... hot wings- which dude confirmed were available in the Comfort Foods section. AAArgh- I wasn't completely hungry, but it was past lunchtime and I was supposed to have eaten something by now. Besides, I'd yet to figure out Whole Foods' menu schedule, and the buffalo wings were not offered daily. I had to seize the opportunity when it presented itself. After scarfing down eight wings (I only had the intention of getting six, but they were so tiny- and I don't clean chicken down to the bone), I guzzled down a cup of water and Diet Coke. Two hours later, I was a little low on energy so I ate an apple with about a 1/4 jar of peanut butter.

The upside to that snack was that it provided plenty of fuel for my Kickboxing and Upper Cuts and Abs classes. On the other hand, I'd probably only burned off approximately two tablespoons of peanut butter. That's so not fair. I was feeling so pumped up after my workout that I even walked twenty blocks home, which left me ravenously hungry. The Tostidos on the table were calling my name, but I resisted and broke out the blender for a banana/pineapple low fat yogurt smoothie- complete with wheat germ. It tasted every bit as good as it sounds. The smoothie filled me up, but full doesn't necessarily equal satisfied to me; therefore I popped a cheesy broccoli and potato meal in the microwave just so I could get something with some substance in my tummy. Oh, and yes it was well beyond 7PM at this point. That was okay because Tuesday would be a new day.

I finished the rest of my smoothie for breakfast and squirmed all morning in anticipation for lunch. Chipotle Mexican Grill is my current most favorite eatery; and, despite the fact that there's not a single one located in my immediate vicinity I try to eat there at least twice a week. Their guacamole is the best tasting stuff this side of the border. Now- Chipotle both fills and satisfies me. I was still bursting at the seams with the Mexican goodness when I received an office email reminder about Mark and Tyler's wives' baby shower in the conference room at 4pm. Office parties always guarantee diet sabotage. Sure enough when 4 o clock rolled around I was among the first people to arrive in the conference room just to be greeted by a table full of assorted cookies, fruit platters, mini-cupcakes, potato chips, totillas and- eeek- more GUAC- this time from Whole Foods (yes there's one right across the street from my office). I tried to prepare myself for this delicious spread ahead of time by satiating my sweet tooth with a Diet Coke- but I chipped in ten bucks and I was gonna get my share. It started with just one chocolate mini-cupcake, but ended with a plateful of a little bit of everything else... even the Whole Foods guac- which was comparable to Chipotle's.

I vowed to work extra hard at the gym after work- that was until my friends invited me to happy hour drinks. It was the last day of July, which meant summer was halfway over and I HAD to take advantage of the nice weather with hurricane season approaching and everything. Alcohol is probably the second largest assassin of my dieting efforts. I go out boozing at least 3 times a week and those alcohol calories add up. Of course no happy hour would be complete without the requisite buffalo wings- which I inhaled because they were from Pluck U.- and the second batch was from the equally delectable Atomic Wings. I was in buffalo wing heaven. Man, I'd always said I could eat buffalo wings everyday- and already I'd had two consecutive days down.

This morning I woke up with bubble guts and guilt. I pondered re-starting my diet all over again, so I had an apple before I left the house. Twenty minutes later that apple was chased down with another Whole Foods (they must put crack in their food) breakfast pizza slice and TWO chocolate chip cookies. Hey, at that point it didn't even matter anymore. I was so disgusted by my lack of willpower, that I tried to deny myself any more food for the remainder of the day. But as luck would have it, someone left two pizza pies and a huge salad in the shared kitchen. I walked by and tried my best to ignore the pizza three times before I gave into temptation and snatched up a pepperoni slice- that I covered with a pile of salad. I'm DEFINITELY going to the gym today!

Is my obsession with food healthy? I can't help that I LOVE tasty food- and it's not my fault that tasty food isn't always healthy. Food, men, clothes- stuff we love is never really good for us. I have to get a grip and control my eating habits. Until then- i guess my gut won't be going anywhere. Oh well, I won't give up. Tonight i will NOT eat after the gym.